China here I come!

So, I haven't been posting too much recently. I think its a combination of being busy and in general happy. Now it's time to brush off the ol' blogging keyboard and get back on.

I leave for China in less than a week. If you missed the going away party, don't worry, you're not alone. I wish more people would have been able to come though. For the ones who did, I'm very thankful. I don't know why nobody comes anymore. Did I piss everyone off? I don't really know. I just know I've been dealt my hand and I'm trying to recoup what I can. I know who has my back though, so I know I'll be ok.

Now, back to China... I'm going to be posting all of the crazy excitement that is the China Hong Kong experience I'll be going for. I'll be posting all of the strange food I eat (yes, I'll take some cobra to go!). Anything interesting in my daily life. And of course as many WTF moments that I can possibly catch on camera.

For the AIESEC crew, I'll be touching base with Cyrus (one of the guys I met in India) who is the current MCP of Hong Kong. I won't be dwelling in AIESEC, but it's going to be good to know I've got friends in FAR EAST places!

Wish me luck...

Turning over a new leaf?

So, I can't help but think about how things change in life. The world grows ever smaller, up is down, down is up, I'm confused to say the least. I find myself asking questions that I always knew the answers to. I guess life is getting real.

I'm excited though. I think things are moving forward for me. Unfortunately, I believe that there's little room for AIESEC anymore. I've done my best to show that I still want more. That the heights out of reach can be brought back in. Unfortunately it seems my time is up, we're moving in a different direction, "you need to opt in or opt out". If I had a dollar for every time I heard that phrase... no, I'd rather have a dollar for every time I looked back and laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. Everyone has an agenda as someone once said. I'd agree to an extent, but why not expand on that agenda? I guess that's why I'm the dreamer (or asshole, depends on who you ask).

Time for me to step out of the ridiculousness. Step into life. I think I've closed the first chapter of this blog, but I'm opening another now. I hate to say it, but I AM excited. I don't know why. I don't know what's in store. I just know that I'm in uncharted waters... where I need to be. Taking life on full force, hahaha. Yeah... game time again.

So now I'm wondering about that phrase again... the stuff that dreams are made of. These things are actually all around us. The championship ring on my desk, the diamond necklace on my girlfriend's neck, even my passport, each stamp inside it. So many things with so much history. So many dreams in such little material. So much that lingers, that tells me that right now is never enough but is always a moment to be treasured.

Time to do something big, I'm just not sure what it's going to look like yet. I'm still dreaming though. If you ask me, that's why I have an irregular heartbeat, why I at times stop breathing while sleeping. There's more. There's more I can do, more I can be, more people I can help, and more smiles waiting to show up.

Life beckons, I gotta run. Here comes stage 2!

Peace out...

Oh don't misunderstand how I feel
'Cause I've tried, yes I've tried
But still I don't know why
No I don't know why
I don't know why

Why I can't explain why it's not enough
I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
But it's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces don't fit here anymore



Goodbye...

What goes around comes back around...

So one year ago I started this blog... sad, depressed, anxious, disturbed in many ways I assure you.

I've served a term as LCP of the greatest LC in the country, rich with heritage and character unchanging.

I've found happiness and it's good.

As you can tell blog posting has gone down and it's pretty clear that I'm happy and finding other ways to outlet my frustrations. The time is close for me to end this blog.

I think I'll leave it open. Like a book unfinished. I've got too much living to do to fall back on this, but if I need it, it'll always be here.


So for anyone who might have read this.... keep on chasing the stuff that dreams are made of!

Built to last

SO... life goes on. People grow. Learning happens. Sometimes you wish it all could stop though.

Been awhile since I posted and there won't be much to this one...

I'm happy and I think I always will be. Life is better now. I have a friend. :)

Still Smillin' no matter what...

So there are still left a few outstanding questions, which I guess sum up life...

Why is there never a sure next step?

Why does change always occur when least expected?

How is it that there is never a sure benchmark for which to plan life off of?

Why is it that life is so long that the best moments only last for one breath (at a time of course), and are never to be expected again?

At least I know that some things are good, but for now here's another drunk blog... ultimately resulting in a question posed to the universe. The flat out statement is that I love where I am and I never want things to change... but I know that by the morning everything will be different (to some extent). I'm still smilin' though if you're listening.

Leave the light on.

So, it's been a long week to say the least. I've learned more about love (between friends) than I have ever known before. I've learned to cry, to adapt, to move on, and even about holding grudges. Despite my time in Chicago representing some very low points of my time as LCP, it also highlights some of the best moments as well. I've found friends in acquaintances and life from desperation.

I think my realities have come to a conclusion and I can see a much larger picture now. I only wish I had the resilience of my role models and mentors.

To avoid any blogging ambiguity (as everyone knows I love), I'll be honest and clear for once. Sara Sadek, you've been an absolute model for how I view a leader. You've never let anything stand between you and the right thing to do. You helped me gain the confidence to step up, even when knowing that noone would follow. You've taught me to understand how to move on in a productive way. Above all, you reached out to me in a way that made me value myself and my values. I can never thank you enough for this.

It may not be the same direction for me to take, but if that's the case it would be for other reasons than before. I think that in looking at the full perspective, John Mayer said it best...

And if you never stop when you wave goodbye
You just might find if you give it time you will wave hello again
You just might wave hello again

I miss my little brother, but I know that now is my time to be his role model. Not because the timing works out for him, but because I can be that role model he needs.

I miss all of my friends who aren't here. Come back soon and let me throw you all an awesome party. Let life be full.

I make him an offer he don't refuse...

So, I finally have a new job and a pretty damn good one at that. Good company, good product, good coworkers, good pay, good benefits, am I leaving anything out?

I get to work on using my engineering skills (feel free to laugh) in order to make awesome toys for children. The company tends to call it "juvenile furniture," but I know better. It's an amazing feeling. Sometimes I even think of myself as one of Santa's elves and then I laugh. The fact of the matter is I'll be enjoying what I'm doing which is always a good thing. I think the best feeling came when I described what I did to my best friend and she said, "You're the savior of babysitters everywhere." Casual dress code at work, more money than I need (aka money to invest), what more could I ask for? The answer is nothing because they gave me much more than what I would have negotiated for. What company is it you ask? Drum roll please.....


So finally for this post, I'll just say that I'm looking forward to the future. I'm looking forward to giving back. Above all, I'm thankful for everything that got me where I am. I just wish they had all made it with me.

Put on my coat in the pouring rain...

So on the continual roller coaster ride that is the life of an LCP, it appears that some continuity may be coming up soon. A good job offer is on the way. Better than I could have wished for and it's being handed to me with the utmost sincerity.... Awesome!

Why can't things be like they're supposed to? This is why Utopian societies will never exist. Greed rules and will never be absent. What's even worse is that greed is contagious. The best of people will sink to the lowest of lows if they know that it's not horrible and that it's expected to get ahead. I guess what I want to say is how much does it really cost to stand up for what's right? I've never seen it as a price that couldn't (and for that matter wasn't worth it) be paid. If one steps back for the group to progress, does that one really step back?

I want to believe there's a solution for everything. I believe what I'm beginning to see is that the solution is to follow the signs that say exit. Can one man turn a ship without using the rudder? Seems like I'm on the wrong boat, right? Maybe another will be along shortly.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm speaking in poorly hidden metaphors. I probably won't remember what I was talking about years from now. I suppose that's a good thing and that might be why I'm doing this after all.

When I was a child I feared death. Now I've learned very well that there are many things worth dying for. Soldiers now this and face it every day. I have come to know this as well. Not with literal death (thank goodness), but the death of some things I find beautiful and amazing. If it is my life (figuratively again) that is the cost then it will be gladly paid.

Stop and listen to opera every once in awhile. It's good for the soul.

Job please...

Another day, another dollar spent. Still no job, yet bills are arising. Sometime I'll find something, right?

At least I can take comfort in knowing that I could always start a mafia family, start pushing, sell my body, or one of the many other frowned upon yet highly desired things in life. Too much liability but I'm sure it would fun and exciting. I'll stick to the real jobs for now though.

Someone once said, "change is inevitable." So why doesn't change always occur. Everyone gets upset about change when things are good, but noone seems to be equally upset when change needs to occur and it doesn't. People seem to get upset when things don't occur in the right way, but they never seem to point the finger at the fact that a serious change needs to occur. Whatever... I mean, if it's something to pursue when the time comes I will. For now, I'll wear my yoke with honor and do all I can with the utmost respect for those who have come before. Hope is a good thing; I remind myself.

Life is moving on and I'm on board. I've got my lessons from the Godfather and I'm ready to make my stand. Things will be exciting.

Hooray for AIESEC in Vietnam!! Good luck you guys in all of your endeavors!